If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
