Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
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He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
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Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
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