I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
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There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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