on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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