Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
