The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
