Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
