All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
