I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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