either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
