My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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