No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
