After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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