You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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