Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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