the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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