we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i will never coherently bang her
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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