I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
