well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
