Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
