How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize