i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
