yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
