smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i would punch a child for taco bell
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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