oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
