I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
