so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
