that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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