talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
