she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
