You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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