Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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