apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
