I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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