Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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