I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
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I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
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Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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