Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
