im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Randomize
