Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
