our cab driver is having phone sex.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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