just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
