it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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