i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
