you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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