There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
