it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Acid is not a monday night drug
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
