My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
