Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Duck Duck Cougar?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
