Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
