honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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