I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize
