Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
