mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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