I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
my poor anus
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
