even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
