Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
