Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
