I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
you traded sex for a burrito?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
