plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
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So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
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You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
She made me pour olive oil on her.
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