i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
