I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
