oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
