He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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