I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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