I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
