so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Randomize
